You are Raising a Future Man NOT a Baby Boy. Part 2

Yesterday, we began talking about seeing our babies as future men and how to earnestly seek to cultivate in them character traits that mark the future man who hope they become. Here they are again:

1. godliness
2. confidence and independence
3. obedience and self-control and wisdom
4. humility

These things apply to all children, of course, but the focus of this blog series is raising boys. And there are many other character traits that are important for our sons' to possess but for the sake of time…I went with these four.


We already talked about the first two, so here is part 2…

3. Obedience and self-control and wisdom: These all build on each other so I grouped them as one trait. Obedience training starts early. And it gets much harder to train your kids in obedience as they get older IF you didn't start early! But conversely, it is MUCH easier to trust that your older kids will obey IF they did so as toddlers. This blog isn't going to address how to discipline, if/when to start spanking, etc. It is necessary that you train your kids to obey at a young age and then self control and wisdom training begins with an emphasis not only on what to obey but WHY. This is when your training broadens and training in godliness takes center stage. And continues forever. Here are a couple examples....

Obedience=Mommy and Johnny are at the park. Mommy says its time to go and Johnny starts running. Towards the parking lot. Mommy yells "STOP!" but Johnny won't. So mommy has to run and get him so he won't hurt himself. She picks him up and carries him to the car. So rather than train him to obey, she does it for him. If Johnny isn't trained to STOP, mommy will stop telling him and only carry him in situations like this. He won't have the opportunity to learn this skill and will cause a lot of heart (and back) ache to his mom as he gets older! If you don't see your toddler as a future man who must be given the chance to choose to obey, when will he learn? When he's a pre-schooler? No way! A teenager? Forget about it! Understand the stakes. Your toddler will be a future man and he will either obey your authority or he won't but you will have shaped and reinforced it now.

Self-control=Do you trust your child to obey if you aren't there? Will the cookies stay in the cookie jar if you go upstairs for a bit? Will the homework get done if you don't sit next to him at the table? Will he smoke a cigarette or look at porn or take the $20 bill from your wallet when you aren't looking? The stakes get higher as they get older so test your son and see! Don't let his 1st venture into self-control be when he's 13! Put out dessert with his lunch and tell him to finish his carrots before eating the cookie and walk away. Tell him to turn off the TV in 15 minutes and then go read a book and come back in 20. Look for evidences of grace and self-control everyday and PRAISE your son for it! And when you see him struggling or failing in an area, pray, encourage, and test again so he is strengthened!

Wisdom=Expectations should rise and boys should be held to higher and higher standards because they are being given lessons on righteousness, along with training in obedience, and are able to discern for themselves what is appropriate. While it's reasonable to admonish a 2 year NOT to write on a wall, it's ridiculous to tell a 10 year old that it's not okay. He should KNOW better! Scenario: Little Johnny is playing outside and throwing rocks at a tree. A shiny red car drives by and Johnny wants to hear what it sounds like/looks like to see a rock smash into the side of that car. (Trust me, boys will think like this!) It's a cop out for a 6 year old boy to say he was never told not to throw rocks at a car. If your son hasn't been expected to obey, given the tools to understand why he obeys and the opportunity to prove that he can obey, he won't.

4. Humility= It's easy for kids to think they are the center of the universe. Especially if they are! Do you expect your toddler to share their toys or your 7 year old son to play with their little sister or your 13 year old son to babysit the toddlers at church? Why not? Is their happiness more important to you than their holiness? If so, you are training your future men to be selfish, not selfless. Train them to see that their needs are not more important that everyone else’s. I just watched a Dr.Phil episode where a therapist was pleading with parents NOT to tell their kids that they are special, brilliant, amazing and will grow up to be the president since they probably aren't! She said it would be better for the kids just to hear "I love you!" instead of being set up for failure thinking they are too important to get an entry-level job and live a normal life! She was saying that parents have created an entire generation of adult kids who still live at home and feel so entitled that they won’t work or struggle to make a living and just continue to be provided for. If you are most concerned with your child’s happiness, they will be too! Encourage your sons to be modest and humble. Share with them Jesus’ words in Luke 14 about being lifted into a place of honor rather than demanding it. A proud and arrogant boy is annoying to his friends (if he has any!) and yours. Help your son learn the difference between confidence and bragging and spare him the pain of learning that from the kids in jr. high!


Okay, tomorrow we will talk about: A Boy's Behavior= Boyishness vs. Childishness vs. Foolishness (what to embrace, what to train, what to discipline)