A Boy's Behavior= Boyishness vs. Childishness vs. Foolishness

Have you heard the saying, “Boys will be boys”? Depending on how its said, it really bugs me! It’s often said as an excuse for some type of rascally behavior but sometimes they mean that whatever sinful behavior a boy is doing, its expected because they’re a boy. As if a boy has no choice but to freak out in the grocery store or be unable to sit still in class or sleep around in high school or spend all their family’s money on a new convertible for themselves.

One thing that encouraged me when I started disciplining  my little guys was that there sin tended to be more pronounced, more visible. While this was embarrassing at the park (everyone clearly saw my son kick that kid and steal their toy!) it was helpful that it was out there. Easy to identify, hard to hide. This made getting to their heart easier for me as their mom. After spending what seemed like the first 4 years of my firstborn son’s life in constant discipline, I started to see how SOME of his sinful patterns were not things/behaviors/thoughts that were entirely sinful. The premise of some were good, holy, Biblical. But they went askew because he was foolish and his heart was deceptive-just like all of ours. I realized that his discipline needed to include teaching, training, guidance and encouragement. Some of the actions that I just saw as disobedient and wrong were just boyish or childish but could be trained to be masculine and necessary. And some of the actions were foolish and needed quick discipline. Proverbs 22:15 says “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” As parents, it is our responsibility to determine what that folly is. Here are some examples:

1. Behavior: physical aggression, violence. Boys love guns and swords and war. Is that inherently wrong? No. The Bible is clear that there are times to fight, defend yourself and your family. But a child needs guidance on when these things are appropriate. If you teach your son that violence is ALWAYS wrong, what will he do when a bully is attacking his brother or a woman is being attacked at a party or if he is called to defend our country? Or when he watches Jesus defeat his enemies and cast them into the lake of fire? Boyish=pretend play involving violence with specific guidelines so no one gets hurt. Childishness=not understanding when/what violence is appropriate for the situation and must be trained. Foolishness=being a brawler, like the fool in Proverbs. Or a coward who can not protect his family.

2. Behavior: loud, being annoying, hyper. There are things that are not sinful but are just ANNOYING that kids do. However, that is childishness. Boys, kids are loud. And hyper. And want to run and play when I want to sleep or read. But that doesn’t need correction. It needs guidance. When/where are these behaviors appropriate? Boyish/Childishness=wanting to test the limits of their bodies-lungs and all. Foolishness=Not obeying set boundaries and being unable to control themselves.

3. Behavior: lust. Did God create men as sexual beings? Yep. Did he create them different than women, with different sexual urges? Yep.  Parents (mostly Dad in our house) need to discuss this with their sons. This is an area of confusion and shame in our world but it doesn’t need to be with our sons. Be frank and open with your boys about this struggle and this foothold that Satan has over MANY men. Childishness=confusion and innocence in this area. Boyishness=appreciating the beauty of a girl and noticing his urges and desires towards her. Foolishness=Acting on those desires through porn, sex outside of marriage, lusting after women in their minds, sexual impurity of any kind.

Ok, there are many other examples but I hope you see the idea. Try to understand  the root of the sin your son is committing and pray to see if there is anything in there to TRAIN, not just discipline.