You are Raising a Future Man NOT a Baby Boy. Part 1

I remember first reading Douglas Wilson's book "Future Men" and just being struck by the title as I played with my little baby, Knox. He would not always be my baby, I realized. God willing, he would spend the majority of his life as a man. And it was our job to prepare him for that!

This revelation began to shape the way I planned his day, responded to his needs, disciplined him. Everything. I had a goal for raising my son. It wasn't enough to go day-by-day and go with the flow. I was given an awesome responsibility, an awesome opportunity, an amazing gift. I was given a future man! And then I was given another future man. And another. So this journey of raising future men over this past decade has been intentional in many ways. I'm going to share practical tips, things that work for me, things that I am convicted are best. But...that's just me. Don't read this and feel condemned or hopeless or smug or annoyed. I'll hate that! That's not the point. And like I've said before, I didn't learn these things in a vacuum. I've read a ton, listened a ton, watched a ton and prayed a TON!

The most important thing in raising our children should be leading them to Christ. That's not going to be my focus in this particular blog series but it will be woven throughout. And there are certain foundations in parenting that I will take for granted we all agree on and not try to convince you of the importance of reaching your child's heart with the gospel and having their behavior flow from that rather than just trying to legislate morality in your kiddo and create a cute Pharisee. (If you don't have these foundations laid in your parenting philosophies, stop reading this and go read "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. Please!)

So...with that introduction, let's get to the practical examples of what I'm talking about.

I said I realized I was raising a future man. So, what did I hope and pray this future man would look like? There are many facets to a man's being so I obviously won't go into everything but here are the top 4 things I hoped for and began to earnestly seek to cultivate in my baby.
1. godliness
2. confidence and independence
3. obedience and self-control and wisdom
4. humility

Godliness: As a baby, I pray over them, sing over them, dedicate them to the Lord daily. My children will grow up in community with other believers who love and protect and guide them in the ways of Christ. They see Jesse and I attend and serve our church faithfully, read our Bibles, pray, love the members of our church body, seek to save the lost in our community. Our lives, activities, friendships, schedules are centered around the importance of our life in Christ and our boys grow up seeing this and living it with us. Jesse and I are Christians and we are raising our boys to love and follow Christ, too. Two of our sons have professed faith and have been baptized. Because of their faith, we are able to discipline them in godliness and appeal to the Holy Spirit in them to soften their hearts and convict them of sin. I could go on and on but "Instructing a Child's Heart" by Tedd and Margy Tripp and "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman are great resources on how to discipline and instruct your children in this area and they have already said it better than I could. But please, don't be deceived in this area and expect your kids to love Christ because you do. Or expect them to love Christ even though you don't but you tell them to.

2. Confidence and independence: I want my future men to be secure and independent and confident. Leaders who aren't afraid to work hard, go against the flow and stand up for what is right. Independent men who will grow up and be able to leave our home and make their own way. And I made choices to facilitate this starting when they were babies. I wanted to give my boys a chance to learn that they were okay alone for a few minutes, and gradually longer, during the day. When I let them play and have "alone time" in their room, I prayed over them that they would be secure, confident, able to be alone. They didn't always want to do this though. I hate hearing my sons cry but resisted comforting them right away for their future benefit. (Working moms have a different struggle in these things since they leave their kids for hours a day, several times a week. I know that if their kids cry and beg them not to leave, that would be gut wrenching and an experience they wouldn't want to replicate unless out of necessity. I'm so blessed to not have ever had to deal with a separation anxiety situation like that.) In 10 years of leaving my boys at the church nursery, gym day care, VBS, or with a babysitter, etc. there have only been TWO instances where one of my sons cried and didn’t want me to leave them! And I didn't leave them. I would NEVER be able to do that! The training I do is always at home! They have been able to go happily to play in new places and I believe the reason is our intentional training in having our boys learn that they are okay without their mommy sometimes, even as babies. But this is only possible since they know it will be a very short period of time and I will always be back and will never leave them scared or sad. Ever. So they are confident and able to enjoy new experiences. Knox has had to attend 4 new schools and Caleb 2, we've moved several times-including to a new state, both boys have played sports where they didn't know anyone on the team, etc. I'm thankful for these early times of testing although they were excruciatingly painful-on me! They have learned and grown so much from these experiences and I believe that it absolutely equipped them to be confident in new situations.
I have learned not to rush in to save the day but to let my boys struggle first. This is a hard lesson to learn as a mom. It's SO painful to watch your child fail, be sad, be scared, be unsure. BUT the reward for them in having achieved something, learned something, accomplished something is invaluable. Separation anxiety as babies, potty training as toddlers, swimming, being scared of the dark, meeting a new neighbor, riding their bike around the neighborhood alone, climbing a tree, dealing with a bully, getting their feelings hurt, facing the consequences of their bad choices, etc. are all opportunities for moms to let their sons grow in confidence and independence.
Push them to accomplish things on their own and you will have a future man. Fix everything so you never have to deal with the pain of their tears and you will have a future baby.

Ok, that was loooong and took me several days to complete. I even edited this and made it as short as possible. I can just write a book someday so I can flesh my thoughts out more, but until then…stay tuned for part 2! :)

Questions? Comments? Making sense so far?