Missing SD girl

Have you seen the story about the girl, Chelsea king, who went for a run after school on Thursday in San Diego (close to where we live) and never came back to her car? It's on foxnews.com home page right now and it's everywhere here, of course. I'm SO sad for her. For her family. I can't even imagine the anguish they feel. I don't want to imagine it. And I don't want to ever experience it.

But it made think about how I would respond if my dauhter or son were missing. Would God still be good in my eyes? Would I still believe He is in control and nothing can come into my life accept that which passes through his hand? I pray I would. Because apart from Him, what would be my hope or consolation or peace?

It made me think of Jesus asking his disciples if they wanted to leave him also after the crowds left at his hard words and Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life ".

There is nothing or no one else for me in this life apart from Him and the Lord gives and takes away but blessed is the name of the Lord. Even in heartache or despair or confusion. Especially then.

So I pray for this girl to be found alive. And I pray for her family while they wait. I pray that they know the only One who can give them peace and sustain them in the midst of the worst tragedy I can even imagine.

Please pray for them too!

Eavesdropping

My boys had a friend sleepover. It's HILARIOUS to listen to the conversation of kids. Here are a few nuggets of comedy gold:

"I like sausage but the word creeps me out"

"He likes big butts and can not lie." "NO I DON'T!!!"

"What size do you wear?" "I forget" "We probably wear the same size." "Ummm...no way. I'm taller"

"Will this whole house shake if there is an earthquake? Or just some stuff?" "I think I was in 9.9 earthquake once."

"Hahaha. I have nerdy pants on!"

"Hey look at that little bird. Let's rifle it!" "Why do you always say rifle, not shoot?" "Because this is probably a rifle!"

"I just can't. I really, really hate raisins"

"I love bowling. I'm so good." "I'm not really that good but I really like it." "I'm actually not that good, either."

Happy Saturday!!!

P.S. So who's on Twitter? I am now. Still figuring it out though. Follow me so I can follow you.

Common Mistakes Boy Moms Make...part 2

This is another mistake I think moms of boys make...sometimes without realizing it. Or at least without realizing the complications of reacting by our feelings alone and not thinking through what we are actually doing. It's this:
Lack of respect for your husband in relation to child rearing issues.

Obviously this issue can speak to other issues in the marriage if it's a pattern of disrespect in the marriage but sometimes it's just because a mom thinks she loves her son so much so she does a better job of parenting him and isn't thinking about everything else clearly.

Example: Your husband decides to help your son get over his fear of going down the big slide at the park or riding his bike without training wheels or swimming in the deep end of the pool. Your son is scared so he starts screaming and crying. You....what? Ok, let's see the options clearly. 1. Freak out and scream at your husband and force him to stop. You're scared too! Sound reasonable? Well, you just taught your son that his dad's an idiot and even though he's only a child, he knows what's best for himself. And that if he screams loud enough, you'll rescue him so he doesn't ever need to be brave or test boundaries or try hard or even trust his dad. (This is evidenced by your kids running to you for protection from their own dad) You also taught your husband that you don't trust him, think he is capable of harming his own son and are willing to publically humiliate him to get that point across. Bummer. The problem is you didn't MEAN to do all that...but you did it anyway. Option #2 Trust that your husband loves your son, will protect him and knows better than you how to teach a little boy not to be afraid of something since he was once a little boy, too.

Example: Do you stop your husband from smacking the chubby little hand reaching for the oven, freak out if he wants to spank your little guy for drawing all over the wall AGAIN, are you crushed when your son is crying for an ice cream but daddy says "NO"? This mistake will be very easy to make if you care more about your son's happiness than his holiness. (read about that here)

There are MANY more scenarios like these. In fact, you're probably regretting something specific right now. I know I am! So, consider wisely every time you want to rebuke your husband for how he is handling his kids-ESPECIALLY in front of them! Boys generally grow up to identify themselves with, love and respect their father, no matter how he treated them! And they will resent the mom who treated their dad like a shrew-even if she did it out of love and concern for her son. Carefully think through your actions in this area. The repercussions are far reaching and can even destroy marriages and mother/son relationships.

And since I don't know everyone who reads this, PLEASE know that I'm not saying to put up with any type of emotional or physical abuse in anyway! Get help. That is nothing to respect and you absolutely need to protect your children from their father in that case!

Trader Joe's Thursdays

If you haven't guessed by now, I prefer to cook with as few ingredients as possible. Not only is it easier, I think it tastes fresher too. Also, I never salt my food-there is so much salt in everything else, we don't need it!
This is a quick and easy dinner that tastes great. Hope you like it!

Mushroom Chicken

2 packages sliced mushrooms
1 chopped sweet onion
4 frozen garlic cubes-in the freezer section. If you don't know about these yet, buy 5 today!
3 chicken breasts, sliced in half to make thinner
butter
olive oil
red wine


~Sautee the mushrooms and onions in butter and garlic cubes (use as little as possible if watching your weight but use no more than 3 TBSP. otherwise) until onion is translucent and shrooms are done. Transfer to another dish. Heat TBSP. ish of olive oil in the same pan and cook the chicken until done, constantly turning until brown on both sides. Pour mushroom mix on top, add a splash of wine and let heat through-about 1 minute.


Serve with brown rice (or a flavored rice mix) and steamed broccoli. If you want to add more flavor (and fat though) put a slice of Swiss cheese on top of each chicken piece and then add the mushrooms.

Mistakes Moms of Boys Make...part 1

There are many mistakes we moms make. Daily. None of us are perfect! But some mistakes are because of a lack of knowledge or wisdom in a particular area so we make the same mistake over and over again-because we don't even know it's a mistake.

The number one mistake I think Christian moms make is:

Being more concerned with our son's happiness than his holiness.

This manifests itself in many ways but off the top of my head I see this play out in the following examples:

1. Allowing spiritual things in your family to be governed by their happiness. Do you choose your church based on their view of the Sunday School? Do you not read or teach them Bible stories because your son thinks they are boring when compared to other books?

2. Refusing to discipline

3. Being unable to say no to foolish requests (regarding food, bedtimes, movies, toys, etc)

4. Wanting to be a friend rather than a parent. Kids have enough friends but only ONE mom!

5. Teaching your child that they shouldn't have to follow rules. This is evident when your child is the only one at the playgroup allowed to have extra cookies or when they are the only boy on the team wearing a different shirt or when you lie to cover for them in school, etc.

6. Doing, giving or saying whatever is necessary to stop a tantrum.

7. Giving them material things without them ever earning it and not thinking through the consequences of NOT teaching your son a work ethic.

8. Finding fault with anyone who hurts their feelings without stopping to find out the circumstances. Why did the other boy scream at your son? Maybe he hit him! Why were the boys leaving him out at recess? Maybe he wouldn't stop bragging! Your angel might not be such an angel all the time and may deserve what he got!

9. Giving in when they beg and plead for you to change your mind, even though you know it’s not what’s best for them. Do you let them sleep in your bed even though you and/or your husband hate it? Give a 3rd dessert? Do you allow them to play at their friend’s house even though the parents don’t supervise?

10. Always concerning yourself with their happiness, no matter the strain on yourself OR someone else. Do you care if they aren't considerate? Do they need to hurry at the drinking fountain when there is a line or would you die before rushing your thirsty angel? Are you constantly making a separate meal for them because your picky eater can't eat the meal your family is eating?

We all know there are more. And you can probably think of a few...that your FRIEND does. Hahaha!
But…isn’t it LOVING to concern ourselves with our son’s happiness?!?!?! Yes, of course. But NOT to the exclusion of his holiness!

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."Hebrews 12:4-12

Last sick day

My kids are ALL coughing. It's horrible. Although fevers and runny noses are done (except for Ava. She is cutting two teeth AND has this flu/cold so her face is a faucet) the coughs are lingering. It sounds like a bad NyQuil commercial here. I decided to keep my big boys home from school for one more day.
I felt cooped up after realizing I'd only gone to the grocery store and they gym for the past couple of days so we took the kids to Del Mar for a nice lunch break. It was fabulous. So warm and sunny.
Beach walks are a fun thing we can ALL do as a family. Well, Ava is carried in the snuggli but she's still "doing it" with us. It's nice to all be together and enjoy the same thing at the same time since with 4 kids 9 years apart, Jesse and I tag team a lot. (One parent with the big kids on the rides at SeaWorld, the other pushing the double jogger around with napping little ones and we meet up at the Shamu show, etc.) 

Then I came home and played with my kids, made dinner, watched the Olympics and 24 and American Idol.

And forgot to do my daily blog. Oops!

So...here it is! ;)

Boy series=to be continued asap.

A Boy's Behavior= Boyishness vs. Childishness vs. Foolishness

Have you heard the saying, “Boys will be boys”? Depending on how its said, it really bugs me! It’s often said as an excuse for some type of rascally behavior but sometimes they mean that whatever sinful behavior a boy is doing, its expected because they’re a boy. As if a boy has no choice but to freak out in the grocery store or be unable to sit still in class or sleep around in high school or spend all their family’s money on a new convertible for themselves.

One thing that encouraged me when I started disciplining  my little guys was that there sin tended to be more pronounced, more visible. While this was embarrassing at the park (everyone clearly saw my son kick that kid and steal their toy!) it was helpful that it was out there. Easy to identify, hard to hide. This made getting to their heart easier for me as their mom. After spending what seemed like the first 4 years of my firstborn son’s life in constant discipline, I started to see how SOME of his sinful patterns were not things/behaviors/thoughts that were entirely sinful. The premise of some were good, holy, Biblical. But they went askew because he was foolish and his heart was deceptive-just like all of ours. I realized that his discipline needed to include teaching, training, guidance and encouragement. Some of the actions that I just saw as disobedient and wrong were just boyish or childish but could be trained to be masculine and necessary. And some of the actions were foolish and needed quick discipline. Proverbs 22:15 says “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” As parents, it is our responsibility to determine what that folly is. Here are some examples:

1. Behavior: physical aggression, violence. Boys love guns and swords and war. Is that inherently wrong? No. The Bible is clear that there are times to fight, defend yourself and your family. But a child needs guidance on when these things are appropriate. If you teach your son that violence is ALWAYS wrong, what will he do when a bully is attacking his brother or a woman is being attacked at a party or if he is called to defend our country? Or when he watches Jesus defeat his enemies and cast them into the lake of fire? Boyish=pretend play involving violence with specific guidelines so no one gets hurt. Childishness=not understanding when/what violence is appropriate for the situation and must be trained. Foolishness=being a brawler, like the fool in Proverbs. Or a coward who can not protect his family.

2. Behavior: loud, being annoying, hyper. There are things that are not sinful but are just ANNOYING that kids do. However, that is childishness. Boys, kids are loud. And hyper. And want to run and play when I want to sleep or read. But that doesn’t need correction. It needs guidance. When/where are these behaviors appropriate? Boyish/Childishness=wanting to test the limits of their bodies-lungs and all. Foolishness=Not obeying set boundaries and being unable to control themselves.

3. Behavior: lust. Did God create men as sexual beings? Yep. Did he create them different than women, with different sexual urges? Yep.  Parents (mostly Dad in our house) need to discuss this with their sons. This is an area of confusion and shame in our world but it doesn’t need to be with our sons. Be frank and open with your boys about this struggle and this foothold that Satan has over MANY men. Childishness=confusion and innocence in this area. Boyishness=appreciating the beauty of a girl and noticing his urges and desires towards her. Foolishness=Acting on those desires through porn, sex outside of marriage, lusting after women in their minds, sexual impurity of any kind.

Ok, there are many other examples but I hope you see the idea. Try to understand  the root of the sin your son is committing and pray to see if there is anything in there to TRAIN, not just discipline.

Valentine's Day

My kids are taking turns being sick this week and I've been up every morning by 6am and asleep every night around midnight. I wanted a girl's night out tonight but felt too tired. A trip to the gym and an actual meal later and now I feel way better so I'm off to see Valentine's Day with a friend. Hope it's funny. I need to laugh! And I need to see a good movie. Saw Dear John last weekend and thought it was totally mediocre. My opinion: it's no "The Notebook" so save the $$$ and rent it!

Fun fact: Julia Roberts got paid $3 million and she only appears in the movie for 6 minutes total. That's $500,000 per MINUTE! Cra-azy!!!

Did you see it yet? Is it good or will I be disappointed?

1 Corinthians 10:13: An escape from a candy bar

The boy blog series will resume this coming week but I need to take the weekend off. Just can't find the time to write it (Hopefully another year won't go by...)

This is an amazing story of God's grace to me tonight, though. He provided a way of escape for me. You'll LOVE it! :)

So...I'm trying to lose my “baby” weight (How long do I get to call it that?) One thing that I have been convicted of is my love of sugar/sweets/candy/cookies/brownies/you-get-the-idea. It's pretty much the ONLY thing I will eat in excess even though it's something our body not only doesn't need but is damaged by.

So…I've been convicted to let it go. As in, not eat it. Every time I prayed about what/how to change my diet, that was the ONLY thing that came to mind. I didn't want to let it go. But I knew this week God was calling me to give it up. For now, anyway.

So...this week has been hectic: sick kids, lots going on, barely any sleep, etc. That's the kind of week that makes me crave sugar. Tonight, Jesse is out and the kitchen is dirty and all four kids need to go to sleep and are coughing and I start thinking how I just want some candy for a quick energy boost! Seriously. (And wine for relaxing after. Don't have any, though.)

So...there is a box of candy bars in the garage that we were selling in our neighborhood to raise money for Haiti. I decide that after I tuck all the kids into bed, I'll support Haiti and eat some sugar to give me some energy to clean the kitchen. I consciously decided that I didn't care if it would honor God or not. I was going to eat it. Maybe two.

So...I'm putting my older boys to bed and one of them says, "Mom, I've been tempted to eat my Valentine's Day candy in my bed tonight. I know it's not ok. I know you and dad wouldn't want me to and I know that even if you don't find out, God sees me disobey. So I'm confessing it to you. And I’m not going to eat any."

Ummmmm. WHAT?!?!?!?

I told him that I was actually being tempted to eat candy too. We prayed (and laughed a little) and then had a fabulous discussion on temptation and God’s grace as I tucked them into bed and I’m a little sad Jesse missed it because it was amazing.

So…I’m confessing it to you. And I’m not going to eat any, either. Thank you, Jesus!

1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Jesus is a Sweet Savior

I started to write the blog post for today, but…I just can’t finish it.

So, let me tell you about my sweet Savior instead. He’s better than anything I’ve ever said!

I woke up after too little sleep completely discouraged and stayed that way for a few hours. Overwhelmed by a messy house, loads of laundry and a sick toddler. Frustrated by the numbers on the scale. Seeing people I love struggle and feel burdened and unable to “fix” it. My morning kind of sucked. By noon, I finally had both little ones asleep, my older kids outside playing and my house relatively clean. I was exhausted and needed rest and sugar (but I’m trying not to eat any!) I was tempted to take a nap or go work-out or get on Facebook but I needed to hear from my Lord more than anything.

Psalm 62:1 says "When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I" And my heart was overwhelmed. I read Ephesians 1-3 and the love and strength and power and majesty of the Lord washed over me. I felt filled with his peace. The Holy Spirit ministered to my heart that I didn’t need to do anything. I could rest. In him. And I seriously felt like I was snuggled on my daddy’s lap. As I meditated on his love and care and provision for me, I fell asleep for about 10 minutes. I woke up so refreshed, hopeful, calm, at peace. I felt like I had been a little fussy baby who was soothed by her daddy and finally fell asleep in his arms.

Jesus is a sweet Savior.

No, He didn’t magically fix all the problems, concerns, sinful patterns. My chores weren’t done supernaturally, dinner didn’t appear and those last “none-of-your-business” pounds didn’t fall off me. But I was changed. I needed rest and was given rest. Not so that I could forget everything, but so that I could have the strength to finish all that He has given me to do. And trust him to carry the burden. Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

So, if you are overwhelmed today, find your rest in Him. Learn from Him, pray that He covers you because you are insufficient and trust that everything will work out exactly how it should be. And then praise and worship Him because He is worthy, He is good and He is working all things together for your good and for His glory.

You are Raising a Future Man NOT a Baby Boy. Part 2

Yesterday, we began talking about seeing our babies as future men and how to earnestly seek to cultivate in them character traits that mark the future man who hope they become. Here they are again:

1. godliness
2. confidence and independence
3. obedience and self-control and wisdom
4. humility

These things apply to all children, of course, but the focus of this blog series is raising boys. And there are many other character traits that are important for our sons' to possess but for the sake of time…I went with these four.


We already talked about the first two, so here is part 2…

3. Obedience and self-control and wisdom: These all build on each other so I grouped them as one trait. Obedience training starts early. And it gets much harder to train your kids in obedience as they get older IF you didn't start early! But conversely, it is MUCH easier to trust that your older kids will obey IF they did so as toddlers. This blog isn't going to address how to discipline, if/when to start spanking, etc. It is necessary that you train your kids to obey at a young age and then self control and wisdom training begins with an emphasis not only on what to obey but WHY. This is when your training broadens and training in godliness takes center stage. And continues forever. Here are a couple examples....

Obedience=Mommy and Johnny are at the park. Mommy says its time to go and Johnny starts running. Towards the parking lot. Mommy yells "STOP!" but Johnny won't. So mommy has to run and get him so he won't hurt himself. She picks him up and carries him to the car. So rather than train him to obey, she does it for him. If Johnny isn't trained to STOP, mommy will stop telling him and only carry him in situations like this. He won't have the opportunity to learn this skill and will cause a lot of heart (and back) ache to his mom as he gets older! If you don't see your toddler as a future man who must be given the chance to choose to obey, when will he learn? When he's a pre-schooler? No way! A teenager? Forget about it! Understand the stakes. Your toddler will be a future man and he will either obey your authority or he won't but you will have shaped and reinforced it now.

Self-control=Do you trust your child to obey if you aren't there? Will the cookies stay in the cookie jar if you go upstairs for a bit? Will the homework get done if you don't sit next to him at the table? Will he smoke a cigarette or look at porn or take the $20 bill from your wallet when you aren't looking? The stakes get higher as they get older so test your son and see! Don't let his 1st venture into self-control be when he's 13! Put out dessert with his lunch and tell him to finish his carrots before eating the cookie and walk away. Tell him to turn off the TV in 15 minutes and then go read a book and come back in 20. Look for evidences of grace and self-control everyday and PRAISE your son for it! And when you see him struggling or failing in an area, pray, encourage, and test again so he is strengthened!

Wisdom=Expectations should rise and boys should be held to higher and higher standards because they are being given lessons on righteousness, along with training in obedience, and are able to discern for themselves what is appropriate. While it's reasonable to admonish a 2 year NOT to write on a wall, it's ridiculous to tell a 10 year old that it's not okay. He should KNOW better! Scenario: Little Johnny is playing outside and throwing rocks at a tree. A shiny red car drives by and Johnny wants to hear what it sounds like/looks like to see a rock smash into the side of that car. (Trust me, boys will think like this!) It's a cop out for a 6 year old boy to say he was never told not to throw rocks at a car. If your son hasn't been expected to obey, given the tools to understand why he obeys and the opportunity to prove that he can obey, he won't.

4. Humility= It's easy for kids to think they are the center of the universe. Especially if they are! Do you expect your toddler to share their toys or your 7 year old son to play with their little sister or your 13 year old son to babysit the toddlers at church? Why not? Is their happiness more important to you than their holiness? If so, you are training your future men to be selfish, not selfless. Train them to see that their needs are not more important that everyone else’s. I just watched a Dr.Phil episode where a therapist was pleading with parents NOT to tell their kids that they are special, brilliant, amazing and will grow up to be the president since they probably aren't! She said it would be better for the kids just to hear "I love you!" instead of being set up for failure thinking they are too important to get an entry-level job and live a normal life! She was saying that parents have created an entire generation of adult kids who still live at home and feel so entitled that they won’t work or struggle to make a living and just continue to be provided for. If you are most concerned with your child’s happiness, they will be too! Encourage your sons to be modest and humble. Share with them Jesus’ words in Luke 14 about being lifted into a place of honor rather than demanding it. A proud and arrogant boy is annoying to his friends (if he has any!) and yours. Help your son learn the difference between confidence and bragging and spare him the pain of learning that from the kids in jr. high!


Okay, tomorrow we will talk about: A Boy's Behavior= Boyishness vs. Childishness vs. Foolishness (what to embrace, what to train, what to discipline)

You are Raising a Future Man NOT a Baby Boy. Part 1

I remember first reading Douglas Wilson's book "Future Men" and just being struck by the title as I played with my little baby, Knox. He would not always be my baby, I realized. God willing, he would spend the majority of his life as a man. And it was our job to prepare him for that!

This revelation began to shape the way I planned his day, responded to his needs, disciplined him. Everything. I had a goal for raising my son. It wasn't enough to go day-by-day and go with the flow. I was given an awesome responsibility, an awesome opportunity, an amazing gift. I was given a future man! And then I was given another future man. And another. So this journey of raising future men over this past decade has been intentional in many ways. I'm going to share practical tips, things that work for me, things that I am convicted are best. But...that's just me. Don't read this and feel condemned or hopeless or smug or annoyed. I'll hate that! That's not the point. And like I've said before, I didn't learn these things in a vacuum. I've read a ton, listened a ton, watched a ton and prayed a TON!

The most important thing in raising our children should be leading them to Christ. That's not going to be my focus in this particular blog series but it will be woven throughout. And there are certain foundations in parenting that I will take for granted we all agree on and not try to convince you of the importance of reaching your child's heart with the gospel and having their behavior flow from that rather than just trying to legislate morality in your kiddo and create a cute Pharisee. (If you don't have these foundations laid in your parenting philosophies, stop reading this and go read "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. Please!)

So...with that introduction, let's get to the practical examples of what I'm talking about.

I said I realized I was raising a future man. So, what did I hope and pray this future man would look like? There are many facets to a man's being so I obviously won't go into everything but here are the top 4 things I hoped for and began to earnestly seek to cultivate in my baby.
1. godliness
2. confidence and independence
3. obedience and self-control and wisdom
4. humility

Godliness: As a baby, I pray over them, sing over them, dedicate them to the Lord daily. My children will grow up in community with other believers who love and protect and guide them in the ways of Christ. They see Jesse and I attend and serve our church faithfully, read our Bibles, pray, love the members of our church body, seek to save the lost in our community. Our lives, activities, friendships, schedules are centered around the importance of our life in Christ and our boys grow up seeing this and living it with us. Jesse and I are Christians and we are raising our boys to love and follow Christ, too. Two of our sons have professed faith and have been baptized. Because of their faith, we are able to discipline them in godliness and appeal to the Holy Spirit in them to soften their hearts and convict them of sin. I could go on and on but "Instructing a Child's Heart" by Tedd and Margy Tripp and "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman are great resources on how to discipline and instruct your children in this area and they have already said it better than I could. But please, don't be deceived in this area and expect your kids to love Christ because you do. Or expect them to love Christ even though you don't but you tell them to.

2. Confidence and independence: I want my future men to be secure and independent and confident. Leaders who aren't afraid to work hard, go against the flow and stand up for what is right. Independent men who will grow up and be able to leave our home and make their own way. And I made choices to facilitate this starting when they were babies. I wanted to give my boys a chance to learn that they were okay alone for a few minutes, and gradually longer, during the day. When I let them play and have "alone time" in their room, I prayed over them that they would be secure, confident, able to be alone. They didn't always want to do this though. I hate hearing my sons cry but resisted comforting them right away for their future benefit. (Working moms have a different struggle in these things since they leave their kids for hours a day, several times a week. I know that if their kids cry and beg them not to leave, that would be gut wrenching and an experience they wouldn't want to replicate unless out of necessity. I'm so blessed to not have ever had to deal with a separation anxiety situation like that.) In 10 years of leaving my boys at the church nursery, gym day care, VBS, or with a babysitter, etc. there have only been TWO instances where one of my sons cried and didn’t want me to leave them! And I didn't leave them. I would NEVER be able to do that! The training I do is always at home! They have been able to go happily to play in new places and I believe the reason is our intentional training in having our boys learn that they are okay without their mommy sometimes, even as babies. But this is only possible since they know it will be a very short period of time and I will always be back and will never leave them scared or sad. Ever. So they are confident and able to enjoy new experiences. Knox has had to attend 4 new schools and Caleb 2, we've moved several times-including to a new state, both boys have played sports where they didn't know anyone on the team, etc. I'm thankful for these early times of testing although they were excruciatingly painful-on me! They have learned and grown so much from these experiences and I believe that it absolutely equipped them to be confident in new situations.
I have learned not to rush in to save the day but to let my boys struggle first. This is a hard lesson to learn as a mom. It's SO painful to watch your child fail, be sad, be scared, be unsure. BUT the reward for them in having achieved something, learned something, accomplished something is invaluable. Separation anxiety as babies, potty training as toddlers, swimming, being scared of the dark, meeting a new neighbor, riding their bike around the neighborhood alone, climbing a tree, dealing with a bully, getting their feelings hurt, facing the consequences of their bad choices, etc. are all opportunities for moms to let their sons grow in confidence and independence.
Push them to accomplish things on their own and you will have a future man. Fix everything so you never have to deal with the pain of their tears and you will have a future baby.

Ok, that was loooong and took me several days to complete. I even edited this and made it as short as possible. I can just write a book someday so I can flesh my thoughts out more, but until then…stay tuned for part 2! :)

Questions? Comments? Making sense so far?

Raising Boys Blog series begins. Finally!

Ok, I worte this blog LAST JUNE! I'm re-posting most of it because I'm finally doing this series. So, to those of you who were excited...here's a little review about what we'll be talking about and sorry for the wait! And to those of you who are new readers...here's the original blog post:

Lately I have been getting a lot of compliments on my sons' behaviour-particularly the older two. I've even been asked for advice and encouragement on a mom's role in raising masculine boys. I'm so thankful and flattered that people see my sons as something to emulate so I wanted to share a few things that have really helped me in raising my sons.

First, nothing is new under the sun, right? I didn't come up with or invent any new parenting philosophy. I read a ton, listened to a ton of great sermons and most importantly have a fabulous husband who is an amazing dad. And no one is perfect, least of all me! But I've been raising boys for a decade and God has blessed me with three sons so hopefully my HARD learned lessons will help someone else!

So...raising boys. Too broad so I've divided it up into a few topics to overview. And I'm going to focus on raising boys from infancy to adolescents since that's all I've experienced so far! ;)

First of all, moms need to understand the importance of their femininity in shaping the masculinity of their sons but I already addressed this on another blog last year. You can read it

Here are the rest of the topics I want to address in my little series:

I. You are Raising a Future Man NOT a Baby Boy

II. A Boy's Behavior= Boyishness vs. Childishness vs. Foolishness (what to embrace, what to train, what to discipline)

III. Teaching Chivalry and Respect

IV. Common Mistakes Boy Moms Make

Okay, stay tuned. Part I. is coming TOMORROW...

Knox's basketball update

Game 1: We played the team that was hardest for us to beat in the regular season (going into overtime and winning by 3 points in that game!) but we won after a good game!

Knox wanted to win SO bad and he was amazing! This is what Jesse posted on his Facebook: "Knox won almost single handedly with a great fast break jump stop, fake and bank shot. 4 for 4 at the line for some clutch free throws. Got almost every rebound and loose ball. Hit the floor about 6 times. Made 2 amazing passes for baskets." It was a great victory and all the parents wanted to beat this team due to poor sportsmanship on their coaches part. The stomped their feet and cussed when we beat them the 1st time. Seriously!

Game 2: We had already played this team and beat them in regular season. It was a close game, though. But we lost to them by 6 points. Saddest thing ever! Seeing my big boy in tears was awful. His grandpa offered to buy him ice cream and he refused. (His brothers took him up on the offer and Knox didn't even change his mind while watching them eat...he was too sad)

Not sure what happened. Shots went in and popped out. The ref was horrible (I've never said that but he was! ALL the parents were confused and irritated by his calls AND he had a hurt knee so he limped around slowly, running time out. It was bizarre!) Our team seemed sluggish and when we were down 4 points at the half, it was like they gave up. And this other team was really good, had some great passes and some great shots. It was their day.

The ONE game they lose all season and it's the championship....that’s how it goes sometimes.

Still sad though. I think Knox is finally over it but the awards banquet next weekend will be tough as they watch that team get their trophies....

How am I going to get through high school sports?!?!? This losing part is TOUGH!

Our 1st Valentine's date

In 1997, Jesse came to my dorm room to ask me out on a date for Valentine's day. He brought me a box of Girl Scout thin mints, too. I was talking with a group of about 10 girls and he walked up to our circle, asked me out to dinner and gave me the cookies. I wonder if he was at all intimidated by al the girls or the laughter as he walked away...Probably not which is why I fell in love with him! ;)

Anyway, we went on a double date with another couple from Bible College. (Jason and Jamie Patton-They are still together, married and living in Oregon with their two kiddos). First we went to eat at a Mongolian BBQ. It's an all-you-can-eat place and Jesse had about 5 helpings which kind of freaked out the Patton's. I was used to it though. The boy can EAT!

Then we went to see "Dante's Peak". (I just asked Jesse if he remembered the movie we saw and he said, "I remember it was dumb!" hahaha!) The theatre was so packed, the four of us had to split up.
And...that's pretty much it all I remember from that night....

Today we are celebrating our 14th Valentine's Day together! And we're doing....dinner and a movie!

Knox's basketball tournament is TODAY!

Knox's team was undefeated in regular season and today are the playoffs!  And they want to win SO bad!! The 1st game is at 10am today (since they were the #1 team, they got a bye on the first round of playoffs) and "when" they win, the championship game is at 1pm! And trophies are for the champions only in this league!

GO SPARTANS!!!!!

Here is a picture of the team after their last regular season game:

Hopefully the domination of the Spartans continues.....

Things I've said in the past 24 hours

It IS a booger!
Your potty seat needs to go on the toilet, not the couch.
It's ok, she can play with the fireplace.
Jesse, I just got hit on by a guy wearing an orange vest.
Hey! Put my Snuggie back so it doesn't get dirty!
Please don't shoot your sister.
Does this shirt look cute or grandma-ish?
NO THUMB! Or I'll put lime juice on it!
I'll bite your elbow in a minute.
Do you even know what symbiotic means?
Why do you keep asking her if she likes to take her shoes off?
For the 100th time, WHY is there a Butterfinger here?
Why do you want the sticker on your face?
You can eat 15 cars and 7 rats. (gummi candies...but still....what?!?!?)
Maybe he would like Yoda best but I've never met him so I don't know...
Please get all the dirt off your neck this time.
C'mon. Let me show you how to blow dry your spikes so they stay better!
Do NOT cry over that sucker!
I saw a really cool spot for you to have your rehersal dinner so hopefully you'll get married in San Diego.
Just so we're clear...if you fart near me again, you get spanked!
DO NOT wipe peanut butter on my purse.
Mmmm...apples taste yummy. You'll have them without mesh soon!
You don't understand equivalent fractions? It's easy if you know division good.
Do you want me to make you a salt water gargle?
Is that a funny monkey?
Do you want the scary Ninja guy or SnakeEyes?
Are those fritos ON your chili dog?
I love you! (times at least 10 and usually with kisses)

Trader Joe's Thursdays

This flavorful meal is quick and easy. I originally got it from Cooking Light but simplified it a little bit. Enjoy!

Apricot Chicken

4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts-cut into thin strips
olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Apricot preserves-small jar
green onions-sliced but not too thin
~Sautee the chicken in the olive oil until brown and kind of crispy. Add the whole jar of preserves, 2 TBSP. vinegar (to taste. Add more or less depending on how much you like B.V. I love it!) and the green onions. Stir until bubbly, coating the chicken.


I like to put it over brown rice OR mashed potatoes. Serve with my favorite TJ"s garlic green beans.

(Haven't made this in awhile. Thanks for the reminder Angie D!)

American Idol

Not the show.
My MC has been talking about idols.
An idol. Something we worship. Other than God.
My sweet friend Jessica said independence was a big American idol. As she fleshed out what she meant and why that was an idol, I was surprised that I didn't see it as an idol before.
Some examples:
Not respecting authority. ("Teachers are stupid", "cops are lame", etc...)
Living together and not being married. ("We don't need a piece of paper to tell us we love each other")
Getting divorced and thinking you can raise the kids alone better than as a family.
Not having kids because they are a burden to our freedom.
Making sure you have a career so when he leaves you/you leave him, you'll be okay.
There are many other examples....I'm a free thinker, I won't conform, individual is best. blah, blah, blah.

Isn't it amazing how much value as a society we place on being independence? Isn't it amazing how much disgust/pity we have as a society for the weak, submissive, the dependent? 
As we talked more, I started to see how independence is pushed and praised like success, materialism, beauty all are in our culture.

We have SO many American idols. Too bad we don't have a 3 person judging panel pointing out to us every time we worship one!

Lucas' Big Day

Just got home from an exciting morning with my favorite 2 year old!

He had his 1st appointment with our new dentist. He loved the toothbrush camera (his mouth is still too little for x-rays) and opened as big as possible. Especially when they asked for teeth TOGETHER! It was hilarious!

Next we were off to Target for his 1st potty seat that he proudly carried through the store. He chose this one:

and then he picked out G.I. Joe valentine's cards to give to all his friends at our Missional Community Valentine exchange this Thursday. (With little suckers, too).

I LOVE that he loves Diego and G.I. Joe and Elmo and Power Rangers and Sponge Bob and Yo Gabba Gabba exactly the same!

After a fabulous lunch of applesauce, turkey and cheese, I put him to bed with the kazoo and some little blue Diego Binoculars that he begged to go "night night" with (cuz' that's how he rolls. Stuffed animal...what? I'll cuddle with my kazoo!)

He's still my baby and my big boy all rolled into one ball of sunshine. I LOVE my precious Lucas!

Weekly Menu

So, I'm posting this in hopes that other blog friends will post theirs too! ;) I need healthy, cheap, quick meal ideas and although there are a million recipes on-line, sometimes it's just easier to know what works for other busy families in real life! So-here's mine......

Monday= Taco night

Tuesday= Pasta w/ marinara meat sauce, salad, garlic bread

Wednesday= Turkey meatloaf, mashed sweet potatoes, steamed broccoli

Thursday=*MC night* Chili dogs and salad

Friday= Breakfast for dinner: pancakes, eggs, fruit salad

Saturday=Eat Out after Knox's basketball tournament

Sunday=Valentine's Day dinner. Not sure what our plans are yet...

Go Saints!

It's Superbowl Sunday! I love the Superbowl! The Half Time Show, the National Anthem, the commercials. And something else...oh yeah-the game! Hahaha!

Will you be watching?!?!? Who are you rooting for? it's New Orleans for me, baby! Go Saints!!

I'm also excited to see who shows up to our house. I'm only expecting about 20 people (including kids) but Jesse invited our whole neighborhood. It would be awesome if a ton of them showed up! Although, I'd need to get some more taquitos...

My Perfect Saturday

It was a rainy day today. (Which probably means it was sunny in Seattle. I've decided that if it is yucky weather here, it's nice there. Which is sad since it's only yucky here 20 times a year....) But even though it was rainy, it was full and fun.

Jesse made breakfast for the kiddos while I went to the gym. Then I came home to tea and toast. Lovely.

Then we were off to Knox's last basketball game of the regular season. Knox's team ended their season today UNDEFEATED!!! So exciting! Playoffs are next week and it would be amazing for them to continue their undefeated streak all the way through! Unfortunately, two good players will be on vacation so we'll see.

After the game we came home and had ice cream and soup for lunch. In that order. Hahaha!

While the little ones napped, the big boys, Jesse and I watched a movie and laughed together.

Then it was off to the Thompson's for an afternoon of chilaxing by the fire and a fabulous dinner.

Now my kids are asleep, Jesse is out with friends watching the UFC fights and I'm blogging and cleaning/getting ready for our Super Bowl party. Jesse invited our WHOLE neighborhood over but I bet only two people will come, besides some families from church. Watch 100 people show up....Hilarious!


And I think I will watch a chick flick before bed, leaning toward Julie and Julia.

Perfect Saturday.

Mother/Son dance

Tonight I'm taking Knox to his 1st dance! :) There's Mother/Son dance at the boys' school-complete with a D.J. and photographer! Caleb said dancing was dumb and he'd rather stay home with Jesse and Lucas and Ava so just Knox and I are going. I'm looking forward to a little date night with my first born so I kind of hope Caleb doesn't change his mind (which he probably will). Is that mean? I did tell Caleb that I'd take him to Coldstone and Target tomorrow since he saved up enough allowance.

Anyway, it will be....interesting tonight! I haven't met very many moms so this is a great oppurtunity to do so. BUT it's Western themed and I don't really want to dress up or hang out with a whole bunch of ladies who did! Hahaha! (Plaid flannel is NOT a good look on me...or any woman....)

P.S. Tomorrow night is the Father/Daughter dance night. I can NOT wait for Jesse and Ava to go to one of those! :)

Trader Joe's Thursdays

In honor of the Super Bowl, here are a few of my favorite easy appetizers from Trader Joe's.....

1. Pesto Sun-Dried Tomato Torte. It's in the deli case by the cheese. Delicious! Get some! Serve w/ wheat thins (better than the TJ's kind) or a warm baguette , sliced thin. About $4 for the dip.

2. Cilantro Jalapeño Hummus. It's in the deli case by the cheese. Delicious! Get some! Serve with pita chips or toast fresh pitas and make the chips yourself. Get some baby carrots too since this is a healthy choice for those watching their calories! About $3 for the hummus. (So random=I found this picture on-line....Guess I'm not the only one who loves this combo! hahahaha!)

3. Goat Cheese with Apricot Preserves. Buy a Goat Cheese log, warm up the whole little jar of apricot preseves from T.J.'s, pour over the top of the goat cheese. Serve with Pita Crackers-the little round ones in the box. SO easy and good! About $5 for cheese and preserves.

4. Man Approved Dip (Since not all men love hummus and goat cheese while watching football)=one can of spicy chicken chili and one block of cream cheese. Pour into saucepan and cook until cheese is melted and bubbly. Add some jalapeños and their juice to the dip for an extra kick! Serve with tortilla chips. (For added awesome hostess points put the chips on a cookie sheet and broil for a bit so they're hot! Impresses 'em every time!) About $4 for the dip.

5. Mini Chicken Corn Dogs. For the kiddos (or all of us. Who doesn't like a corn dog?!?! and these are cute since they're mini). Serve with honey mustard-mix it together yourself. About $4 for the box of doggies.

Pb&J Thief

Lucas saw the boys lunches on the table ready to be packed in their lunch pails just like every morning. But this morning something came over him.....

He had to EAT one of those sandwiches. RIGHT NOW!

Lightening fast, he unwrapped one and practically shoved both halves into his mouth and started frantically chewing. It was SO random and hilarious that we all laughed and I took pictures of our little PB&J thief......

That's my boy! ;)

Total Money Make-over

Ok, we're doing it! If you have done it or are doing it...what is the hardest part? I said I couldn't give up getting my hair done but I would give up buying new clothes for awhile! :)
I've got all my envelopes ready and am trying to whittle down our grocery budget. What are some cheap, healthy meal ideas?

A couple friends are doing it too so we can have fun nights of Top Ramen and board games. LOL! ;)

It sounds rough but I'm excited! No more student loan payments, car payment, more $$$ in retirement savings and better college funds for our four kiddos!! Woo-hoo! Let's do this!

So...good-bye debit card, hello cash!

Stone Date Night

My house is a mess and smells like goulash. I got 5.5 hours of sleep and Ava feels like crying if anyone holds her but me.
BUT...tonight is a date night at Stone with our friends, Dave and Melissa! Jesse loves this place. He calls it "Disneyland for men". haha!
The food is good, the best beer in San Diego is brewed here (I hear...I hate beer. I'm getting a mojito. LOL!) and the gardens are so pretty. There is tons of outdoor seating, walking paths, water features, fire pits. Aahhhh! Can't wait! Thanks for babysitting, Monica! ;)

A view of the back grounds:

A view of the inside seating area (the beer is brewed on the other side of the glass so you can see the whole brewery):