Don't be a doormat

Do you ever have a bad marriage week? Or bad parenting week? Or bad friend/sister/daughter/insert relationship here? That's what I call a chunk of time when that particular relationship seems strained. Not hopeless, or headed-for-divorce bad, (and NOT ABUSIVE in any way! If that is you, please stop reading this and seek help ASAP!) just a rough patch in any otherwise good relationship. I just had one. I was SO irritated by the other person's selfishness! Why wouldn't they meet my needs, I wondered. I give and give, I thought. I'm over it today. It's there turn to sacrifice, I’m going to do what I want. I'm sick of giving. I'm going to take now. Starting now. If I don't get what I want...watch out. That's pretty much how I felt. Unfortunately, that's how I acted. As you can imagine, it was an unpleasant day. haha! After God softened our hearts and we reconciled, I was thinking and praying about what I could do to prevent this from happening again. The words of Philippians 2:1-8 flooded my mind.

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

As I thought of how selfish I had been and how I had foolishly done the opposite of everything in these verses I was reminded of a women’s conference I had attended in 1997. Elisabeth Elliot, one of my favorite authors and speakers-especially during my college years, was speaking on marriage (I think). Anyway, she was addressing situations of the heart like the one I described above. After reading this same passage from Philippians she said, “some of you may be thinking…’But Elisabeth, you aren’t suggesting I become a doormat are you?’ ” And then she looked up and said, “Well…Jesus made himself nothing. He didn’t even get to be a doormat”. Anyway, it profoundly affected me. It seemed so simple. Jesus came as a servant and we are to serve others too. Not ourselves. To think of how petty my grievances are at my ill treatment compared to Jesus’! How amazing He was to give up everything, all His rights to be worshipped and came to earth. Coming lowly, as a servant to all, dying for us! And then I complain and freak out over not being served well enough? Seems ridiculous in that context, doesn’t it?

Anyway, if you are having a bad “insert relationship here” week, let the words of Philippians 2 saturate your thinking and seep into your actions.