love notes from my sons

So, after a fun mommy-son pizza and movie night (E.T.), we tucked Lucas into bed and Knox, Caleb and I went into the office. They wanted to email Jesse to say good night since he was in a late meeting and after we emailed, I had a few things to do on the computer so Knox and Caleb decided to write me a note....

My note from Knox: "I love you. I hope you had a good day. Can we have a mommy son date some time soon? Just you and me?"
(We now have a hot date planned for blizzards at DQ and shopping for a fake mustache)

My note from Caleb: "You smell like flowers. And I love you too."

I truly love being their mom! They are just precious to me!

Oops, I almost forgot to include Caleb's final note of the night, written to his big brother...
"I love you. I hope you get a bad fart"

Please, Lord, don't let me forget these moments!

Mothering a Daughter

So, last year when I started this blog I was the only one in my family who liked pink. In about 60 days, another will join us who will like pink, too. Or wear it everyday, at least! As I look at her precious clothes, blankets, shoes...I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed by the joyous reality of finally having a daughter. I feel prepared to love her, and care for her and dress her, of course, but shepherding a little girl's heart is foreign to me.

As I think about raising my own little woman, I'm struck by the struggles and sins Ava will face. It seems every toy and show and game for a little girl is about being a princess, or a hero, or finding beauty, or becoming a star... basically, making much of themselves. How am I going to teach her that is more important to make much of Christ? As she is dressed in darling outfits with sparkles and shiny shoes, how can I teach her that it is far more important to care about what her inner being looks like? As she is asked over and over what career she wants when she grows up, how will I teach her to value being a wife and a mother the way God does? When her tears and charm manipulate people and produce the desired results, how will I convince her that it is deceptive and a sin of defiance? When she is loud and wants to be the center of every one's attention, how will I train her to see the folly of that?

My heart is somber since I know the battle for her heart will be relentless, just like it is for me still. And as I walk with her, training her in the ways of the Lord and what it means to be a woman who fears the Lord, I pray for wisdom and strength and courage to answer these questions-and the many more that are sure to come. As much as I will delight in her, I pray I will show her that my true delight is only for the Lord and that she will follow me in delighting in Him above all.

Baby Update Ticker

1st Post of 2009

Well, this will be totally random. Why not?!?! I need to laugh at my life today. I came home from a wonderful sunny vacation to a cold, grey mess. The boys started school so that meant uniforms, homework, lunches, etc. to get ready. Lucas is teething or sick or both so I've held him non-stop for two days. To top it off, my thyroid prescription ran out while I was in California and there was a mix up with the pharmacy and my doctor so I haven't had any thyroid meds for 5 days which makes me have insomnia, headaches, mild depression and a constant feeling of nausea! Add mountains of laundry, unpacking, bags of unopened mail and the everyday chaos of life and I am feeling...random. And by random, I mean insane! heeheehee. But there are plenty of joys in my life so far this year. Here are a few.....

1. I found yet another reason to love Costco! The Kirkland Signature Borghese mineral make-up!!! I was spending $35 for one compact at Whole Foods or Bare Minerals and $35 for a compact of Chanel blush. Well, Costco has a two-pack of mineral foundation for $19.99 (same size) and an awesome blush for $12.99 (similar color and texture). Serious savings but the best part-I like the Costco stuff BETTER! woohoo

2. Knox has to do a biography book report on an African-American. He chose George W. Bush (but I didn't know that). Frustrated and confused by his teachers denial of his choice, he asked me who I thought he should pick since his teacher wouldn't let him choose when everyone else could! Now confused myself, I asked him why his choice was rebuffed and he said he wasn't sure since George W. Bush was American. I had to explain that African-American doesn't mean either/or...it means a black person. Embarrassed, he realized that EVERY other person's choice WAS a black person. LOL! Knox has never really seen color though...I LOVE that about him!

3. Caleb came up to me, rubbed my tummy and said, "I love you, Ava!" And then said, "I hope Ava is pretty and fun like you, mom."

4. Lucas and I watched Charlie and Lola today, cuddled up on the couch. We held hands and shared a pillow and a blanket. For about a half hour. He started to fall asleep so I said, "Time for night-night?" He said, "yes", kissed my cheek and waved bye-bye to the TV. So precious!

5. I bought 30 pink hangers at Target and used them ALL hanging up darling outfits I have gotten for Ava. My mom's friends gave me some wonderful things at a luncheon in California including a fur coat, a beret with rhinestones and silk flowers, Trumpett socks-every color (the socks that look like socks and Mary-Jane shoes), pink checkered Vans, and about a dozen cute outfits. Added to that are the things from friends and family I had already received and the few items I've picked up and it's starting to dawn on me that I really do get to dress a baby girl. Fun!

6. My husband preached a great sermon on Sunday. I am always amazed at what a blessing having a hot, godly husband is! I am always proud of him and still get excited when he walks in the door. Because he's so cute and fun and MINE!

7. Saving the best for last...my sweet Savior Jesus! My time in the word and in prayer has been sweet. But I have also felt a greater urgency to cling to Him. There has been pain and sadness and despair around me that God has spared my family from. I know I do not deserve God's grace but he has richly poured it out on me anyway. The devastation sin brings has been before me frequently and I have seen more clearly than ever that walking on the narrow road with Christ is NOT a sacrifice, it is a privilege. A blessing. A true joy. And I begin this year in awe that he chose me, that he loves me, that he keeps me.

So…in light of those random blessings, I can continue to hold a sick baby in my sleep-deprived, nauseous arms…and smile.

A California Christmas!

I'm so excited to go to California for Christmas! We leave this Friday! It will be the first time in 8 years that I've been in Cali with my family for Christmas. I can't wait! Last night, Jesse and I talked with the boys about what we all want to do on our vacation. And a lot of it involves food....

Here is our top 10 list:
1. Make sand angles (Caleb)
2. Disneyland (Knox)
3. Pedros' Tacos-EVERYDAY (Jesse)
4. frozen yogurt-EVERYDAY (me)
5. Surfin' Donuts (Caleb)
6. Ichibiri (Knox)
7. go surfing (Jesse)
8. San Diego WIld Animal Park (me)
9. HUGE family Christmas time with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends. At least 35 people all eating and laughing and playing in the street after dinner! It's tradition to play in the street-football, kick-the-can, whatever. My grandparent's cul-de-sac on Christmas Day is a rockin' good time! (all of us)
10. get tan (all of us)

Christmas List

 On Christmas morning, we have a tradition for receiving gifts. Each person in our family gets three gifts to represent the three gifts the Magi gave Baby Jesus. (If that sounds sad to some of you they still get stockings and presents from their brothers and grandparents. Don't worry!) The boys generally get to choose those gifts and they tell us what they'd like. Anyway, below is one of my son's original Christmas List:

1. A real light saber. From the movie. Able to chop off an arm.

2. A jet pack. So I can fly. Or at least jump really, really high.

3. A Samurai sword that warriors use.

Ummm...no. He isn't getting any of these. And explaining why was pretty hard too. Imagine keeping a straight face as you told your son why these weren't available or good for him to have! 

But our conversation made me think of my requests to God. Some things I want seem so important, so right, so perfect for me that I don't understand why the answer is no. But as a loving Father, he knows what is best. And also what is ridiculous for me to ask for. (jet pack, anyone?) And just as I want my sons to be content with what they get,  I too need to be content with what my Heavenly Father gives me.  He loves me and everything that comes to me comes from His hand. And everything that He withholds, is withheld in love. And if I trust that to be true, I will not need to feel sadness or discontentment, will I?

Matthew 7:11 If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children: how much more will your Father who is in heaven, give good things to them that ask him?

Ultrasounds

At the last ultrasound, baby Ava was too small for them to see all of the chambers of her heart. They had me come back at 20 1/2 weeks which was Monday. Unfortunately, they couldn't see her heart at all. She has one but she was in a crazy position and was sound asleep. She wouldn't move AT ALL for over 30 minutes. Now I have to go to Maternal Fetal Medicine for another ultrasound. I don't want to go though. It's where they send you when there is a problem. The doctor assured me they didn't see anything wrong but couldn't get the right views and this place will be better. But still...So, we will go for another ultrasound next week. 3 in as many weeks. 

I brought home the DVD from the ultrasound and the boys watched it. Caleb was confused because it didn't look like a baby to him (especially the close ups of arm bones and such!) but Knox really liked seeing the baby on TV. They are so excited to meet this baby. We all are. And although I'm nervous, I trust the Lord to care for her and grow her perfectly, according to His will.