Has Thou No Scar? by Amy Charmichael

Hast thou no scar? No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?
I hear thee sung as mighty in the land;
I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star.
Hast thou no scar?
Hast thou no wound?
Yet I was wounded by the archers; spent, Leaned Me against a tree to die; and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned.
Hast thou no wound?
No wound? No scar?
Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,
And piercèd are the feet that follow Me.
But thine are whole;
can he have followed far
Who hast no wound
or scar?
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When I first read this poem 12 years ago in college, I was so struck by these words that I immediately copied them down in my journal. It strikes me still. No one wants to suffer. But suffering comes. And when it does, what is our response? Anger? Fear? Depression?

Is it praise that we are more like our Lord?

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11

With a whole heart

Now pregnant with child number four and already in love with HIM or HER, I have been thinking about a conversation I had with one of my sons many months ago. He was asking me who I loved best, which son (obviously hoping I’d choose him!). I told him that I loved all my boys the same but that wasn't a very good answer to him. He felt sure I had to have a favorite since he has a favorite everything. So I explained that when God put a baby in my tummy, it was like He also gave me a whole new heart for that baby so I could love each of my kids with a whole heart just for them. No one is loved more or less, they are loved the same-each with a whole heart.

While this isn't physically true, it somehow must be. It was amazing to me how much I could love my son Knox when he was born. There was never a cuter, smarter, stronger baby in the whole world. Until his brother Caleb was born. And then the same love, pride, and joy flooded my heart again. Yet it hadn't dissipated from the first time. And then those feelings flooded my heart yet again when Lucas was born.

So if my heart can be filled with a fierce and unyielding love, never emptying and yet filling completely anew, God MUST give me a new heart each time he gives me a baby.

But with each new heart He gives, I think God takes pieces of my brain to compensate....

Skatin' with the Oldies

Ok, I'm the oldie. I celebrated my 32nd birthday with some great girl friends last night. First, we dressed up like it was 1988. I chose to go with a Madonna inspired look. Think "Lucky Star" video. And my beautiful, creative friends did not disappoint. There was blue eye shadow flowing freely, leggings, leg warmers, cut off denim, enormous belts, enormous hair, side pony tails, banana clips, neon, and jelly bracelets. Someone even found their old Swatch Watch!! It was truly fabulous.
And then after cake and champagne punch (that I couldn't have because I'm pregnant. Oh, by the way, I'm 9 weeks pregnant.) I opened my gift-an exquisite COACH creation. It is a signature striped tote-brown signature canvas with white patent leather trim. So cute! Absolutely LOVE it! Thanks friends!
And then it was time to skate. We headed over to The Skate King for adult night and got our roller on! I was slower than normal as I protected baby Winkler (see above) but it was still a blast. Everyone was a good sport and although there were a couple of spills, we managed to leave unscathed. I was befuddled by the crowd there at times but...everyone has to have hobbies, right?!?!? We were treated to some great skate dancing, interesting choice of shorts length on one particular man, and mild sexual harassment from the 90 year old who worked there. All in all, it was everything I hoped it would be. And there are pictures to prove it.

Well, I loved my special night and I love my special friends who made me feel special. Thanks ladies! See you next year! 70's disco dancing anyone?

Keeping a Quiet Heart

I really, really love my life. But then sometimes I don't. One day I am praising God and thanking Him for my blessed existence and then the next thing I know, I'm discontent. My mind starts swirling with things I want but don't have or things I have but don't want. And suddenly everything is too overwhelming, every trial seems to crush me and I despair. "Why is my life so hard? Why isn't it what I want!"
But...what do I want? Do I want what God has for me? All the time? Even the pain and trials and valleys? Do I accept these as gifts from my Heavenly Father, just like the gifts of joy and prosperity?
David said: "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup and made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5.
To accept my portion from the Lord, means I must acknowledge that there are no other options. This is my portion, this is my lot. And it is secure because it is from my Lord.
It is my response to the portion that matters. Do I accept what the Lord gives with a heart of faith- or of fear? Satan loves to cause chaos in our mind. To cause doubt and fear and to question God's love and goodness for us. But what about Tragedy? Pain? Sorrow? How can this be from a loving God? Elisabeth Elliot says, " We can only know that Eternal Love is wiser that we, and we bow in adoration of that loving wisdom."
God loves to comfort us, to give us His peace as we trust Him. Isaiah said: "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
Trusting God means being content with what God gives.
It is enough.
It is good.
It is my portion.
And then my heart is…quiet.

Theology

I went to Bible College and I have a degree in Theology. I have read hundreds of books on the subject. I've researched and written papers on eschatology, soteriology, and ecclesiology. I am familiar with all the views and all the theories and all the systems. Plus, I'm married to a pastor who has all of this knowledge and much more. And he has countless books at my disposal.

So you think I'd be prepared for my children's questions about God. But sometimes I'm not.

Last night, like every devotion time, they asked questions about what we read. And those questions turn into more questions and so on. One questions was, "Will our glorified body fart and poop?" (Insert hilarious laughter for about 2 minutes-they are 5 and 8 year old boys, after all)

Some I had answers for. "What is hell like?" "Will I know you in heaven?" "What does heaven look like?" "What will we do there?" The scriptures speak to these things and I was able to read them and they were satisfied.

But others didn't have as satisfying of answers. "How can we know God existed forever?" "What is He made of?" "How big is He?" "How can He be everywhere at once and see everything in the whole world if we never see Him?"

Sometimes their little faces look disappointed when there isn't an answer other than, "Because God said so, in the Bible."

And I panic inside. I don't want them to doubt. I don't want them to lose their child-like faith. They love God but they want to know Him the way they know everyone else they love. They want to see Him and talk to Him and touch Him. They believe, but sometimes they want the tangible evidence.

But you know what, so do I.

I don't doubt God is near but sometimes I want to see Him. I don't doubt that God will guide me, but sometimes I want to hear His voice tell me what to do. I don't doubt that his Word will comfort me, but sometimes I want to feel His arms around me instead.

So I remind them, and myself, that Hebrews says, "faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible." And "without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

By faith, we understand more and more each day. But faith is a gift from God, Ephesians says. And as we draw near to God, our faith increases but the more our faith increases, the more we long for a deeper knowledge of God. But we will never understand all His ways.

So while I do my best to always be ready to give an answer for the hope within, it is God who continues to give the faith to understand.

As our sons grow deeper in the grace and knowledge of the Lord, we'll be there to answer their questions along the way while trusting that He who started this good work in them will be faithful to complete it. We trust becasue He's being faithful to complete it in us.

This morning, Knox said, “You know, it’s cool that God is here with me while I play video games.”

“I just wish I could see Him.”

I smiled and said, "So do I."

And we will see Him. One day. When faith becomes reality and we spend eternity in heaven with Him.

Which is the whole point of theology, isn't it?

Lucas is One

Today is Lucas' birthday party. His birthday was actually August 3rd but with vacations and a rain out last Saturday (good ole Seattle summer!) we are celebrating today.

I love Lucas. Everyone loves Lucas. I know everyone thinks their babies are cute and great but...not all babies are. Lucas truly is. His smile is infectious, his cheeks are perfectly squishy and he has a mohawk. He has never cried when I've left him in the nursery at church or at the gym day care. He's always happy and he really enjoys people. He is a delightful baby.

But he won't be a baby forever. One day, we pray, he'll become a man. And as a man, our hope for him is different than when he's a baby. While we love that he is soft and sweet now, we hope he becomes strong and brave. And while he is happy and likes people now, we hope he becomes truly loving. But above all, we hope he knows his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and will stand firm in that faith all the days of his life.

When we dedicated Lucas at our church in front of family and friends, we chose 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 as a verse to guide him in godliness. And so today, as he is one year older, we give it again to him:
Lucas, "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be a man of courage; be strong. Do everything in love."

Love and Marriage part3

1998


So, I got the ring. We did meet at a "bridal college" after all. The joke on campus was the slogan should be "Ring before Spring or your money back!"

But…I don't want that to be the end of the story. I hope you don't either. So I'll back up and tell you about the proposal.

Jesse and I decided our official anniversary as a couple was January 16th. (We added on two weeks to accommodate the time spent apart. See part 2). We planned to go out and exchange gifts. I went to the mall and got Jesse one of those cheesy coffee cups. One side had my picture on it and the other side said "I love you. Thanks for the best year of my life." (He still drinks coffee out of it every morning. Aww!)

So, the day of our anniversary came and Jesse told me we were going somewhere nice in Newport Beach for dinner. We went to this lovely Italian restaurant in Newport Harbor and when I sat down I noticed a beautiful centerpiece. With a card in it. "Those are yours", Jesse said when he saw me eyeing the huge bouquet of long stemmed roses. OK, I knew "it" was coming. Suddenly nervous, I ordered the first thing I saw (which turned out to be a sausage and pasta dish. I don't eat sausage.) But we ate and...no ring. So then we went to the beach to open our gifts and watch the sunset. Jesse got me a pretty sweater. And he loved the cup. We talked and walked and...still no ring. I started to think this wasn’t the night after all. We got to the pier and when we were about halfway down Jesse told me he wanted to take a picture of me. He ran down the pier, unto the sand below and then yelled up "I love you". He professed his love and devotion to me. He told me about his plans for ministry, his desire to serve the Lord always and then quoted 1 Kings 10:15-16. It's about Jehu riding off to a battle for the Lord and meeting another along the way. Jehu asks the person, "Are you in accord with me, as I am with you?" "If so," said Jehu, "give me your hand." "Come with me and see my zeal for the LORD." Then Jesse asked me to come with him and see his zeal for the Lord. He told me he needed me with him if we was going to accomplish what God had for his life. He got down on one knee, pulled out the ring and asked me to marry him. I said, Yes!".

By then a crowd had gathered. Everyone started cheering. Jesse ran up the beach, I ran down the pier. We met and Jesse slid the ring on my finger. Then he lifted me up and twirled me around and we kissed while people circled around us, clapping. Yes, some were drunk fishermen…but it was still very romantic.

Ok, now that’s the end. Well, the beginning, really. But the end of this story about how I became the most blessed woman in the world!