Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Give Thanks!

There are so many things I am thankful FOR. My Savior, my family, my friends, my health, my country (seriously! I lived elsewhere). I have been very blessed.
But today, as I was doing a little craft project and needed some verses on thankfulness, I was struck by how many times the Bible says to give thanks TO the Lord. He has graciously given us everything! I wrote out the references for some of the verses that tell us to give thanks to the Lord for all He has done on some leaves and glued them onto a cute foam tree for the center of our appetizer table so as we munch and watch football tomorrow we can give thanks TO the Lord.

Here are a few.....
Isaiah 12:1
2 Thessalonians 1:3
Psalm 86:12
Psalm 28:7
Psalm 100:4
1 Chronicles 16:34
Psalm 118:29


Happy Thanksgiving and remember to WHOM you are thankful!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Ava

A couple days after we found out I was pregnant Jesse had a wedding to officiate in Friday Harbor in the San Juan Islands. While we were there I went for a little walk to a spot on a cliff overlooking the ocean to pray. I was feeling overwhelmed with the pregnancy in general and the desire to have a daughter in particular. I didn't want to spend the next several months anxious over the sex of the baby. I prayed and asked God to give me peace, one way or another. I asked Him to give me a sign if I was having a girl. The sky was empty except for the sun-they weren't even clouds. I asked God to send a bird if I was to have a daughter. To have a bird fly overhead-out of no where. I scanned the horizon. Nothing. Five seconds later, a tiny bird flew up from the side of the cliff right by me. I laughed. I don't normally do this type of thing and thought I was just being silly. A few seconds later a flock of birds surged up from the other side of the cliff. Too many to count. I felt they were a gift to me. I felt peace. God knew my desires, He loved me, I could trust Him. Whatever He had for me.

I wish I had continued to trust in God's goodness to me that day. But I didn't. In the months that followed I would sometimes grow anxious. I still wondered and desired and doubted and hoped. Almost every time, I would see a little bird and be reminded of that day on the cliff. And I would feel peace.

A few weeks ago we were discussing names for the baby. We've always liked Savannah but as we talked about it, it seemed not right somehow. I thought of the name Ava. It was similar sounding but...it just jumped out at me that night. Jesse loved it. I went to look up the meaning and then I knew it was to be our daughter's name.

It means "like a bird".

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

We're having....

a girl!

At the ultrasound we had the tech write what we were having in a card with a picture of the "goods". We left the hospital and were driving...somewhere. We couldn't decide where and how to open the card and I was starting to get emotional so while we were stopped at a stop light I told Jesse to just look. And then tell me. He said he would look at the picture and try to figure it out. I couldn't bear to watch as he pulled out the picture. He stared, then laughed. "I have NO idea!" , he said. "Here, see if you can tell." He handed me the picture and I instantly said, "IT'S A GIRL!!!". He opened up the card and there it was...
"It's a GIRL!"

We cried and I laughed, too. What a blessing. We are so excited to meet her!

This morning when we dropped the boys off we told them we would have a special present for them to open and when they opened it they would know if they are having a baby brother or a baby sister. We went to Fred Meyer and bought a darling hot pink Addidas track suit and two pink “baby bottle” candies (don’t ask-they’re disgusting but the boys love ‘em!) After school the boys couldn't wait to get home to open the present! They were positive it was going to be another brother! Knox said a girl would be fine but Caleb wasn't too sure. When they saw the pink they both smiled and while Caleb isn't that excited about a sister yet, he loved the candy! We told him it was from her and that helped a little bit! :)

We have a name but I'll blog about that later....

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Jane

Today is my youngest sister's birthday. Jane Alexandra Olds was born two decades ago but it seems like yesterday. When my parents brought her home I thought she was a present for me. I was absolutely, completely, 100% in love with her. A few days after she came home from the hospital I wrote her a poem. I loved writing little poems when I was young and kept them in a Hello Kitty notebook so I called them the Hello Kitty Collection (of course! Hey, I was 10-12 years old). My dad found the book and sent it to me last year! Here is the poem I wrote for Jane twenty years ago:

Jane Alexandra
I thought joy was a myth
Until the day November Fifth.
When my baby sister was born
On that cold November morn.
She opened up her little eyes,
Eyes as blue as the sky.
I know now that love is real,
It comes from the love I feel!

Happy birthday sweet sister! I love you!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Thoughts on Femininity

I have three sons and a very masculine husband. People that know me always say, “You NEED a girl. You’re so girly!” While I would love a daughter and hope God has one for me someday, I have been thinking about the possibility of being a mommy to all boys. Many people have said to me, “Jesse is such a godly, strong man. The world needs more men like him so that’s why you have so many boys!” I agree with that. But then I wonder…what is my place in shaping them? I am their mother, of course, but ultimately they need to emulate a man to become one. In some ways, it seems like a waste of my girliness, my femininity to only raise sons. But lately I have been realizing what a blessing my boys are to me and how much my femininity impacts them and shapes them. I want them to be godly, strong men. But I am not one. I am a woman. So only I can teach them how they should relate to a woman and how a woman should relate to them. This is done primarily as they watch me relate to their dad, but also them. Only I can teach them about what femininity is and what masculinity is not.

What is femininity? I thought about this for awhile and I think it comes down to a desire and willingness to be cared for and protected; to be seen as delicate. Conversely, I would say that masculinity is a willingness and desire to care for and protect; to be seen as rugged, able to withstand. This is an over simplified and general definition but it serves as a baseline for my understanding of and relating to my boys. They have all learned from an early age that mommy is touched differently (softer, never head butted like Daddy!), that I like hugs and kisses more than “knuckles”. They know I like pink and flowers- and they like that I do. Every picture they color for me has pink in it. They like my perfume and tell me I smell beautiful. They like my hair and think every girl should have long hair like mine. They know that I need privacy and wear make-up and dresses and “sparkles”. I am their mom. But they also know I am a girl. Different from them. Precious to them. They know that daddy always drives the car and lifts the heavy stuff and takes the trash out and kills the spiders because he loves me. Because I am precious to him and should not have to do these things. I am not weak but daddy is stronger than I am so he can protect me. When Jesse travels, he tells the boys to watch over me and protect me because they are the men of the house. And they do. They understand that I am to be cared for in a way different than daddy, different even than them. Although I am stronger than them (for now!) they view me as more delicate, even weaker than they are. And I let them see me that way since it is never disrespectful but a part of their desire to be more like daddy. So I praise their muscles and displays of strength. I watch as they wrestle and flex and run. I never mock their attempts at chivalry. I thank them for every opened door and weed/flower bouquet and always ask for help carrying “heavy” things.

On Halloween, we went to a haunted house and Jesse stayed outside with Lucas so I could go in. The boys chose the “scary” route and Caleb turned to me and said, “Don’t worry, mom. I’ll protect you.” “Stay behind us, Mom” Knox said. So I did. I chose to encourage their budding masculinity by allowing them to protect me and take the lead. And when the first werewolf man jumped out at us, Caleb jumped forward and hit him with his foam axe! How easy it would have been for me to tell them to get behind me, that I would be there with them, that I would protect them. They are still my babies! But they are also future men. And they are becoming masculine men who appreciate femininity and love their mom for it.